I walked onto my front porch as the sun shone bright above me. Heat therapy … it was just what I needed. Suddenly, I felt a presence across from me. “Hey! How’s your health?” 

My neighbor had asked the question. I couldn’t tell why they did it, but it made me tired. Now, after more than three decades of answering the same question, it felt like it needed a different answer this time. 

“How’s your health?” I asked back. 

In response I received a chuckle. There were no answers. We were both quiet.

Over time, I’d become good at answering people’s queries about my own health. I didn’t really think about the question much. I answered simply: “It’s good until it isn’t.” It usually satisfied most people.  Those few who really wanted to know made themselves known eventually.  

But, I was having trouble answering the question for myself. 

Somewhere along the way, epilepsy had become more than a diagnosis. It was becoming an identity that bothered me because I realized, I didn’t like who I was becoming.

“How’s your health?” I felt pinned to the wall, against my will. The answers I’d come up with made me tired. Perhaps this was the reason people didn’t talk about their problems.

Somehow, I think we know deep inside that what we share with others will become the story line we live with. What we repeatedly experience and talk about shapes how we understand ourselves. Seizures, repeated movements no one around me could define or understand, made me want to stop talking altogether. I thought people saw me as broken. Leaving me out seemed to serve a purpose.

Except, it didn’t.

So, I hid. I thought it would help, but I was wrong.

Hiding added to the weight of mental, spiritual, emotional and relational disconnect I felt within myself. And, I finally began to ask myself the question: “How is my health?”

So, instead of placing more on your shoulders, I’d like to invite you to ask some of your own questions, if you’re ready. 

What are you noticing?

Tired, weak, weary or thriving, your voice carries information about where you are.

No one gets to know you without your permission. Showing up for yourself is a powerful action that happens when you see yourself through the right lens. But, often, we let how we feel dictate how we show up.

There’s nothing sexy about healing. It takes time, the emotions are real and it doesn’t always turn out like we’d planned. However, it’s always happening. Even a condition that says you’ll always be stuck can’t keep healing from happening.

So, as I heal … I hope you will too. 

How’s your health? 

It’s a question we have to answer for ourselves long before we ever speak about what’s real for us. The benefits of having others ask you over and over and over again? For me it meant I finally started to answer the question myself. 

Are you answering your own questions?

Sometimes, we need to answer ourself.

AS WE GO

“Are you answering your own questions?”

Lois Garner