Before you throw out your possibility and begin talking trash, I'm going to remind you that everyone starts small. Every great journey begins in silence with someone making a decision to venture into the unknown. And, usually those journey's require great sacrifice and perseverance. Your journey won't be easy, but it will be worth it, if indeed it is right.
powerful...
Your words are
Speak LIFE :)
Hiding ...
I've always hated this "having to hide" feeling. The way in which we circle the wagons and get ready for events and act differently and perform. So, I avoid the places that require it.
There is a balance, of course. But, there is a dance taking place too. You know the one ... where you say your line and I say mine and maybe we like how it goes and we do it again next time.
There are performances taking place all around us. What if we just stopped pretending? Perhaps, we'd find out that the dance was the thing that was keeping us stuck the whole time.
I've grieved some things, but noone ever told me to grieve my disorder. I ignored it, pretended not to see it, tried to hide it ... and at the end of that rope came to grief.
I had to look myself straight in the face and come to terms with what I'd lost. Only then was I able to really wrap my arms around all the things I'd been given.
EXIT GALLERY >
You want to be heard, known and understood. And, you should be. But, you also have to be ready. Ready to see yourself. YOU have to own your story FIRST.
I've been told alot of stories in my life. Remember the one about the chicken that crossed the road to get to the other side ... I know, what was that about?
But, then there are the gripping ones. The ones you can't seem to pull yourself away from.
And sometimes, at least for me, those were the stories that made me feel small. They were great and I wanted to hear them. I even needed to hear them.
But ... I also believed the lie that my story had nothing on those. That somehow the man falling off the cliff and coming back to life or the man who'd been saved from a life of drugs was more important than a lil' girl from a small town who didn't really seem to have much going on.
So, I discounted myself in every area. And, I LET those around me discount me too. And, I wanted to be discounted in some ways. Because, when you don't matter you're not seen (or so it seemed). And you're not responsible ... and you can put the blame on someone else ... or so it seems.
I've cried all the tears, made all the pleas and been straight up MAD in my grief!
At the end of the day, I was dealing, emotional - YES and MAD, but learning in my own way.
And ... that's ok. Because that's working through things. You can't rush the process and anyone who tells you you can, hasn't really gone through it themselves.
Seizures are a sneaky business. Their physical torments can be brutal. You'll probably never be able to really explain, to most people, how it feels to recount events that happen to you, without you.
