Life is messy. I felt tired most days.  My exterior looked great. I knew how to walk a straight line in skinny jeans. Big deal, right? I could rock a high pony-tail. But, I felt like my fashion model status was becoming a facade. I didn’t know there were secrets in failing forward. I didn’t even know forward was part of failing. 

Sunny side up meant success. From a certain perspective, I was on top of the world. My husband and I lived in a penthouse apartment in downtown Chicago. While I walked runways, he toured with bands. But, the life that was glittering was falling apart. 

I hid health issues from my management. Telling them I’d been hospitalized again, when I couldn’t even admit it to myself was too hard. I wanted this to work. Hiding bruises became normal. Losing weight didn’t hurt my career, but it hurt me. I received compliments after hospital stays which hurt more than I was willing to admit. 

Pain Tells Us Something … Have You Found the Secret In Failing Forward?

When what’s inside and outside don’t match, you’re on track for collision. I collided into the best failure of my life. 

There will be moments when you’re let in on the secrets to yourself. I believe God’s voice speaks to us. Sometimes, we don’t listen. Once in a while …  the messaging is crystal clear. 

For me, being dropped from my modeling agency was the moment. I sat across from two people I loved working with … two people who had championed me. They looked at me with kind eyes and said, “Lois, we’re dropping you from the agency.” 

Something hurt deep in my chest. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.  I’d failed. 

Their words were coming at me through a tunnel: “How can we help you transition? Do you want to be a stylist? Would you like to be a photographer?” 

They were offering to help me succeed within the industry as soon as I chose the avenue I wanted to take. But my mouth spoke immediately and without hesitation … “I want to be a writer.” 🤯 There was no reason to talk further. 

We all looked at each other in awe, but I was the most surprised. My words came from deep inside. Those feelings had been locked away, hidden from me. I’d been given the key, in one moment of failure. 

I walked home, stunned. The life I’d been building was not being discarded, I’d been given keys to a new one. Moving forward is scary. Working through pursuing more, necessary.  

I loved the life I had in Chicago, but I would embark on an adventure that would heal me in a new way. 

Except … I wasn’t ready, yet.  

Life Is Going To Shift

Life is going to change. And when it does, it might be painful. It may be out of your control. Believing failure is forever makes it harder to navigate and shift. Using failure as a teacher makes so much possible.

I moved back to my hometown. The worst/best place I could go is my hometown. God knew. The season of pain I was about to go through needed to happen there. Without giving details the high points of the next two years would be a terrible seizure leading to coma, my first pregnancy and the loss of my first son, a terrible illness that led me to beg God for death and all of it would find me asking Him all the questions I’d ever had about healing again. 

I didn’t feel I could crawl out of my pit. 

Pits can be our greatest gifts. Sooner or later, you’re going to hit a wall. Perhaps you’ll think, “I’m done”.  Then, you have a choice to make.

What do you believe? Epic moments let you know who you are. Do you know who that is? Will you write a better story in the middle of your mess?

What if healing actually is possible …

I made a choice once that changed everything for me. You can too. Do you want to live an Uncompromising Life?

Type Yes Below if you’d like to hear more.